Very into this examination of how bizarre it is that we have to pick a lane now as to how to spend the next twenty years of our lives. Cat wanding in perpetuity over here!
Thank you so much for sharing this piece. So well-written, and as someone who is also a writer but chose the other path (as of now!), and has THREE children (ha ha), it resonated SO MUCh with me! Other things I'm sure you've thought of but to me feel like some of the most important: having one child is different than two (or three) -- and in an interesting way, though, if you had just ONE, they'd have a built-in sibling, which would sort of double the cute and give them each a lifelong playmate. Like, you'd get the benefit of only going through the newborn/baby/toddler phase once, but your kiddo would have a brother... kind of amazing set-up from the start. With that said, the reason I bring up ONE, is that with one, by the time the child gets to about the age 6, you can do more things like travel again, and life becomes a bit more free at that point (that said, you can never be sure about anything and some kids have lifelong challenges so I'm not saying it's a given, but generally speaking). There's a famous article about "why writer moms often have one kid" but since I have 3 kids I can't remember what/where I saw it, ha ha! :) Another big thing is your partner -- I think it's amazing if your partner's "ok either way", but the more dialed-in your partner is, the more willing/likely to do 50/50 parenting with you, the better (duh). What is his work like? His hours? His priorities? Does he WANT another child, full stop, or is it more that he's willing to do this for you? If you two have times when his son is with his mother, are those free couple times going to be gone and something you both really miss? (Basically, what will the nuts and bolts of your life look like for about 10 years before the kid is pretty independent?) On the writer front, I think you make super important points... it's definitely possible to find those spaces to write with a baby/toddler, but you will unquestionably find yourself not having the time you want, and feeling bad about it. BUT (big but) - it IS all temporary. I can't believe my 11yo is... 11. I have had to go slower these past few years w/ writing, but I'm still doing it. It's possible. It's a sacrifice. But being on this side of it, I can't imagine not having all the things you mention in the essay (family! A part of myself! tiny feet! etc). I hope this wasn't too much "advice" - you just really struck a cord with me and got me thinking. More convos like this should be had :) xo
Very into this examination of how bizarre it is that we have to pick a lane now as to how to spend the next twenty years of our lives. Cat wanding in perpetuity over here!
Hi Emily. I adore this piece. I'm 40, and your thoughts echo so many of mine.
I assume you've read Selfish, Shallow, and Self-Absorbed? That's a touchstone for me.
Thanks so much Blake! Yes definitely, Meghan Daum is kind of a mentor, love that book :) Thanks for reading!
love love love
um *excactly* Sarah! it feels insane. same here!
Thank you so much for sharing this piece. So well-written, and as someone who is also a writer but chose the other path (as of now!), and has THREE children (ha ha), it resonated SO MUCh with me! Other things I'm sure you've thought of but to me feel like some of the most important: having one child is different than two (or three) -- and in an interesting way, though, if you had just ONE, they'd have a built-in sibling, which would sort of double the cute and give them each a lifelong playmate. Like, you'd get the benefit of only going through the newborn/baby/toddler phase once, but your kiddo would have a brother... kind of amazing set-up from the start. With that said, the reason I bring up ONE, is that with one, by the time the child gets to about the age 6, you can do more things like travel again, and life becomes a bit more free at that point (that said, you can never be sure about anything and some kids have lifelong challenges so I'm not saying it's a given, but generally speaking). There's a famous article about "why writer moms often have one kid" but since I have 3 kids I can't remember what/where I saw it, ha ha! :) Another big thing is your partner -- I think it's amazing if your partner's "ok either way", but the more dialed-in your partner is, the more willing/likely to do 50/50 parenting with you, the better (duh). What is his work like? His hours? His priorities? Does he WANT another child, full stop, or is it more that he's willing to do this for you? If you two have times when his son is with his mother, are those free couple times going to be gone and something you both really miss? (Basically, what will the nuts and bolts of your life look like for about 10 years before the kid is pretty independent?) On the writer front, I think you make super important points... it's definitely possible to find those spaces to write with a baby/toddler, but you will unquestionably find yourself not having the time you want, and feeling bad about it. BUT (big but) - it IS all temporary. I can't believe my 11yo is... 11. I have had to go slower these past few years w/ writing, but I'm still doing it. It's possible. It's a sacrifice. But being on this side of it, I can't imagine not having all the things you mention in the essay (family! A part of myself! tiny feet! etc). I hope this wasn't too much "advice" - you just really struck a cord with me and got me thinking. More convos like this should be had :) xo