I also went through this transition. I enjoy my job as a librarian, and I also enjoy not thinking about it at all the second I walk out of the building. If the pandemic taught me anything it’s that the org/ladder/hustle will never love you back.
One of my MFA teachers, the incomparable Elana K. Arnold, talks about having an “alongside plan” instead of a “backup plan” and it completely changed the way I think about how I maintain a stable bank account and also pursue my writing career.
"I attempted to pursue the millennial mantra of “loving my work”…when I discovered writing in my 30s, it became undeniable that, most of the time, I didn’t actually love my work beyond the rather flimsy sense of self it brought me."
This is soooo relatable. Navigating the "day job" mindset shift you've described here has been really tricky for me, I appreciate your perspective on it.
Hi Emily. I have just resigned from my job in tech to pursue a few months off for writing. Your essay obviously hit home for me. I will be focusing on my mindset throughout this break as I struggle with the same self worth and anxiety issues around money. Also don’t have kids but I do have a partner who is supporting me financially during the break. Allowing someone to help me has also been a mental hurdle to unload. Thanks for sharing.
oh yay, congrats! that's so exciting!! wishing you all the luck in this period - if it feels uncomfortable and hard (even tho it's "the dream"), that's totally normal! :D
As a college professor, there's a lot of pressure NOT to think of my job as a 'day job.' It's supposed to be one of those passion jobs--one of those things I would do even if no one paid me for it. In fact, my colleagues often say just that. That they'd teach even if they weren't paid. And when I first started, I did feel that way.
But given everything that's happened in higher education, I increasingly repeat to myself, "This is just a day job. Really, I'm a writer." Which doesn't mean I'm not there for my students. But psychologically, thinking about it as my day job feels so much healthier.
The perk of being a college professor is summers off and sabbaticals. Extended breaks, like the ones you take, should be a fundamental right of everyone who works. There is no way that professors should be the only people who get a big, long time-out. Everyone needs those.
Anyway, really appreciated the honesty of this post.
Yes wow, I've heard this about academia! That's so challenging given how hard people are pushed in higher education and where some systems are going — so much healthier to have separation! It just takes such intentionality when you and the industry are not used to it.
I'm SO jealous of the long periods off in education, and 1000% agree everyone should have access to that. It's really so, so necessary. Thank you for reading!!
I feel this post very much, Emily. Elder millennial, longtime career job in something tech-adjacent, wrote my first book more or less on maternity leave and can attest now that it's all but impossible to do family + work + one's own work. Now on a lengthy break to do just what you described. :) Thanks for writing this! This sort of discussion is so needed. Really appreciate your frankness.
Catherine - thank you!! It really is so hard to manage writing and a totally separate career - congrats for writing a book on maternity leave! I'm so glad you're taking time off!! Enjoy it, and thanks again for reading! <3
Great post Emily, I like what you said about "squeezing the art in on the sidelines" - taking those breaks in between gigs is critical.
You mentioned when you take extended periods away that suspicion grows and it becomes harder to get the next job. That caught my eye because I framed it a different way in one of my recent posts, I think that employers these days know humans are not robots and the good ones will even give praise for having enough EQ to give yourself a break.
Thanks for reading!! And totally get that, I think you're right, employers are becoming way more accustomed to it! I've found if you do it frequently, though, there's a limit to how much some might appreciate it :)
Existential lozenge is so perfectly disheartening. This resonated completely, as I’ve spent 6 years winging it as a freelancer, but always feel the pull of the opportunity to make more money with a salary/in tech. I’ve never been able to get myself back over that hump though and always quickly abandon any job search as it’s feels like a step backwards on the “doing work I love” spectrum. So I love this reframe, I see nothing wrong with a day job that buys you time to pursue your real passions. Curious — if given the option, would you consider working part-time (20-30) hours at this day job? That’s always where my idealistic daydreams go.
I completely understand that! Once you go freelance it's hard to go back. 10000% yes, I would absolutely work part-time and did for a few years before this current job - 3 days a week as a contract employee at a tech company. It was pretty ideal, but I'm kind of an all or nothing person and after a while I craved a long and total period of no work (which is when i re-wrote my novel), and also craved being back in the corporate game full-time to see how much i could make / save and get something stable on my resume. But yes I would probably go back to part-time in a heartbeat :)
Yes! Thank you so much for this. You've said so well what I've also come around to in recent years: my job can really just be a job. It doesn't have to represent me and it's ok that I don't love it. As long as it sustains me materially without costing too much (time, energy, emotional bandwidth), I can accept it. In my diversified portfolio of meaningfulness, work is where I put the least stock. As long as it doesn’t demand too much of me, I’m fine with it giving me relatively little.
I've definitely had that struggle through the years of working at a day job sometimes and not having enough time to write, and then other times NOT working a day job and having all the time in the world AND feeling depressed, anxious, and very worried and fearful about money or the lack thereof.
Emily! Thank you so much for the shout-out and rec!! And OMG did I resonate with this piece you wrote, word for word. But I think you knew that already :)
Agree with all the comments here. Also that if I have too much time, I get unfocused and depressed. The day job (I am an oncology nurse—talk about something that should be a “passion” but isn’t) often makes me more productive as a writer.
I also went through this transition. I enjoy my job as a librarian, and I also enjoy not thinking about it at all the second I walk out of the building. If the pandemic taught me anything it’s that the org/ladder/hustle will never love you back.
One of my MFA teachers, the incomparable Elana K. Arnold, talks about having an “alongside plan” instead of a “backup plan” and it completely changed the way I think about how I maintain a stable bank account and also pursue my writing career.
Oh wow I love the notion of an "alongside plan"! That makes so much sense.
So true that the hustle will never love you back, oof. I also love the "alongside plan".
"Alongside plan" is a genius phrase. It is instantly etched in my mind.
"I attempted to pursue the millennial mantra of “loving my work”…when I discovered writing in my 30s, it became undeniable that, most of the time, I didn’t actually love my work beyond the rather flimsy sense of self it brought me."
This is soooo relatable. Navigating the "day job" mindset shift you've described here has been really tricky for me, I appreciate your perspective on it.
Oh wow, I'm so glad it resonated!! It really is a tricky shift when you're not used to it!
Hi Emily. I have just resigned from my job in tech to pursue a few months off for writing. Your essay obviously hit home for me. I will be focusing on my mindset throughout this break as I struggle with the same self worth and anxiety issues around money. Also don’t have kids but I do have a partner who is supporting me financially during the break. Allowing someone to help me has also been a mental hurdle to unload. Thanks for sharing.
oh yay, congrats! that's so exciting!! wishing you all the luck in this period - if it feels uncomfortable and hard (even tho it's "the dream"), that's totally normal! :D
As a college professor, there's a lot of pressure NOT to think of my job as a 'day job.' It's supposed to be one of those passion jobs--one of those things I would do even if no one paid me for it. In fact, my colleagues often say just that. That they'd teach even if they weren't paid. And when I first started, I did feel that way.
But given everything that's happened in higher education, I increasingly repeat to myself, "This is just a day job. Really, I'm a writer." Which doesn't mean I'm not there for my students. But psychologically, thinking about it as my day job feels so much healthier.
The perk of being a college professor is summers off and sabbaticals. Extended breaks, like the ones you take, should be a fundamental right of everyone who works. There is no way that professors should be the only people who get a big, long time-out. Everyone needs those.
Anyway, really appreciated the honesty of this post.
Yes wow, I've heard this about academia! That's so challenging given how hard people are pushed in higher education and where some systems are going — so much healthier to have separation! It just takes such intentionality when you and the industry are not used to it.
I'm SO jealous of the long periods off in education, and 1000% agree everyone should have access to that. It's really so, so necessary. Thank you for reading!!
I feel this post very much, Emily. Elder millennial, longtime career job in something tech-adjacent, wrote my first book more or less on maternity leave and can attest now that it's all but impossible to do family + work + one's own work. Now on a lengthy break to do just what you described. :) Thanks for writing this! This sort of discussion is so needed. Really appreciate your frankness.
Catherine - thank you!! It really is so hard to manage writing and a totally separate career - congrats for writing a book on maternity leave! I'm so glad you're taking time off!! Enjoy it, and thanks again for reading! <3
Great post Emily, I like what you said about "squeezing the art in on the sidelines" - taking those breaks in between gigs is critical.
You mentioned when you take extended periods away that suspicion grows and it becomes harder to get the next job. That caught my eye because I framed it a different way in one of my recent posts, I think that employers these days know humans are not robots and the good ones will even give praise for having enough EQ to give yourself a break.
Here's the link to that post, I think you'll enjoy it: https://serendipitylab.substack.com/p/retire-often
Thanks for reading!! And totally get that, I think you're right, employers are becoming way more accustomed to it! I've found if you do it frequently, though, there's a limit to how much some might appreciate it :)
Existential lozenge is so perfectly disheartening. This resonated completely, as I’ve spent 6 years winging it as a freelancer, but always feel the pull of the opportunity to make more money with a salary/in tech. I’ve never been able to get myself back over that hump though and always quickly abandon any job search as it’s feels like a step backwards on the “doing work I love” spectrum. So I love this reframe, I see nothing wrong with a day job that buys you time to pursue your real passions. Curious — if given the option, would you consider working part-time (20-30) hours at this day job? That’s always where my idealistic daydreams go.
I completely understand that! Once you go freelance it's hard to go back. 10000% yes, I would absolutely work part-time and did for a few years before this current job - 3 days a week as a contract employee at a tech company. It was pretty ideal, but I'm kind of an all or nothing person and after a while I craved a long and total period of no work (which is when i re-wrote my novel), and also craved being back in the corporate game full-time to see how much i could make / save and get something stable on my resume. But yes I would probably go back to part-time in a heartbeat :)
Yes! Thank you so much for this. You've said so well what I've also come around to in recent years: my job can really just be a job. It doesn't have to represent me and it's ok that I don't love it. As long as it sustains me materially without costing too much (time, energy, emotional bandwidth), I can accept it. In my diversified portfolio of meaningfulness, work is where I put the least stock. As long as it doesn’t demand too much of me, I’m fine with it giving me relatively little.
I love this and relate so much!
And just subscribed! 😊
Oh yay, I'm so glad you liked it and thanks for subscribing!!
I've definitely had that struggle through the years of working at a day job sometimes and not having enough time to write, and then other times NOT working a day job and having all the time in the world AND feeling depressed, anxious, and very worried and fearful about money or the lack thereof.
Loved it and look forward to reading more of your writing! ❤️
Emily! Thank you so much for the shout-out and rec!! And OMG did I resonate with this piece you wrote, word for word. But I think you knew that already :)
Um, of course! <3
Agree with all the comments here. Also that if I have too much time, I get unfocused and depressed. The day job (I am an oncology nurse—talk about something that should be a “passion” but isn’t) often makes me more productive as a writer.
Oh wow, yes that is certainly not a mindless "day job" lol. Amazing, so glad you related!!