Talking about it

How are you?

Not great, is the closest I can get to the truth lately. Hanging in there works, too, most of the time. Most of the time people know what I mean. It’s still 2016, after all. A year of terrorist attacks and hate crimes, Zika and Flint, DAPL and natural disasters that prove there is no denying climate change, culminating with the rejection of our most qualified candidate in favor of our least qualified one. You know.

Because what can you say? My body is coated in a layer of what-the-hell-is-the-point. When even the hardest working, most accomplished version of a woman cannot succeed, nothing feels possible. Everything feels out of control. And on top of that despair I feel shame, that I don’t have it as bad as millions of other people in this country because my skin is white and I have a good job with good health insurance and I was born here so who am I to be depressed? And then of course, I feel helpless.

So yeah, not great?

It doesn't get better with time either, if anything it gets worse, as Trump makes appointment after unbelievable appointment and it becomes more clear than ever that Hillary's loss was driven by protectionism, the fierce rejection of the progress that has lifted so many unheard voices in the past few years. But we keep riding the subway, taking small actions, supporting causes, and going on shitty Tinder dates because what else can we do? Life keeps going.

But the appearance of being OK is not the same as feeling it. A lot of the time it's the opposite. The ability to say I am not OK makes me feel so much more OK. And the more I talk about it, the more I realize others feel it, too.

Now, more than ever, we need to be comfortable with discomfort. Not just with our close friends, but in the office, over dinner, at holiday parties (if only they were on different nights!). It’s hard and scary because maybe we don't understand the depth of other people's sadness, maybe, we're even part of the problem. It requires empathy, and vulnerability, and it can feel like there are no words. But the thing is, there are words, they just require more thought, which makes them that much more important to find. Just having the conversation is a step towards action.

It's kind of like the difference between an unbearable conversation at a party and a great one; the realness. Talking about sad topics does not perpetuate sadness, more often it alleviates it. And, ultimately, we have to confront despair in order to get to optimism.

Have something to say? Share it, please! And thanks for reading.

Emily