Chelsea and Rick From White Lotus Are Not Aspirational

The emotionally unavailable man—a tale as old as time.

🚨🚨THIS POST HAS SPOILERS FOR WHITE LOTUS SEASON 3!🚨🚨

I loved this season’s White Lotus finale, which pulled the season together in a way that not only restored my faith in Mike White but left me ashamed I’d ever doubted him in the first place. My main complaint with Season 3 was that almost nothing happened until the last episode. And that can be totally fine—I notoriously hate “plot”—but even the dialogue was painfully sparse, resulting in somewhat flat characters, a mere shadow of what they could be. Until the finale. Where all the little things that irked me throughout the season finally, epically sharpened into view.

Especially Rick and Chelsea’s relationship.

Throughout the season the internet was absurdly ablaze with admiration and envy for Rick and Chelsea’s dynamic, claiming that Chelsea and Rick are the only couple to ever really be in love at the White Lotus. One might assume that men were the audience most envious of the pair given that a beautiful young woman was unreasonably giving all her love and care to a man who gave her next to nothing (except money) in return. But both men and women seemed to be coveting the duo.

How is this relationship goals? Even the actors went on record saying the couple’s love was pure and deep. For seven episodes I wondered, What the hell is Mike White doing??

To be clear: I do think Rick loves Chelsea as much as he is capable of loving a woman. I’m not saying he’s playing her at all. He didn’t fuck around with the sex workers after all, we get it. And of course I do not think Chelsea is a gold-digger or viewing the relationship with Rick as transactional. She is not Chloe for example, who knows exactly what she’s giving and getting in return (hats off). Chelsea sincerely loves this man with her whole adorable heart. What I’m saying is that his on-and-off, anemic affection is not good enough for Chelsea who is giving herself entirely and deserves so much more.

And I get it, we (ie. any woman with daddy issues) have all been there. If I had to name the decade that was my twenties (sure, thirties, too) it would be called: Years of Trying to Change Emotionally Unavailable Men at the Cost of Self. This is a brutally common dynamic, especially between men and women. And it generally plays out like clockwork:

• Woman falls for hardened, tortured man who uncharacteristically reveals himself to her in a brief and fleeting emotional moment, leading her to believe that they are soulmates and she and she alone can understand him.

• She then proceeds to mold her life around this man’s immutable wants and needs, cherishing the small bits of affection he offers as a sign that she is, in fact, special, the only person in the world who can break through his emotional walls.

• Meanwhile, the man changes almost nothing about his own life and continues to mostly withhold emotion and affection and does as he pleases.

• She continues to urge him to open up more emotionally, something she *knows* he is capable of, not wanting him to “change” necessarily, just be more “himself.”

• But he has absolutely no interest in doing this.

• So woman spends 90% of her mental energy trying to figure out how to “help” this man who does not want help or to change at all and ultimately never will until she is an absolute shell of herself unless she wakes up and gets the f* outta there.

• The end! (which is rarely good)

Like always, I blame patriarchy. In a culture that prioritizes men’s suffering over women’s, still views women as caretakers, and offers little inherent validation for women on their own, it’s no surprise that women fall into co-dependent validation loops—addictive in their inconsistency—wasting their time trying to “save” men who are giving them next to nothing in return, but whose occasional approval can feel like sustenance.

As any person who has been in this dynamic can tell you, when you are starved for love, small drops of affection feels like a downpour. When Rick tosses Chelsea a smile over the dinner table, or is genuinely happy that she doesn’t DIE OF A SNAKE BITE AFTER SHE BEGGED HIM NOT TO RELEASE THE SNAKES, we see this as an utter triumph of his love. When he gives her a giant bear hug on the shore after IGNORING HER TEXTS FOR OVER 24 HOURS DESPITE HER BEGGING FOR SOME SIGN OF LIFE FROM HIM, TO KNOW HE’S OK, we rejoice! BECAUSE WE ARE STARVED.

And because these actors are incredibly good at what they do. Aimee Lou Wood is so charming that it is actually impossible not to want her to get what she wants, to root for this kind woman with those deep, dark eyes and that bursting, dimpled smile. And Goggins is the epitome of a tortured soul with a profound, sparkling softness buried under layers and layers of defensive posturing. When his leathered stone face melts into a glimpse of affection for Chelsea the audience melts with it.

In other words, Mike White is implicating his audience in this toxic dynamic. We light up at the smallest crumbs of Goggins’ affection and come back wanting more.

I guess I just thought we, as a culture, knew better by now? With the ubiquity of Instagram therapy-speak, Tik-Toks about de-centering men abound, books like Attached becoming household names, I assumed the kids could spot this dynamic from a mile away. And knew to run.

EVEN MIKE WHITE HIMSELF (AND GENERATIONS OF WOMEN PAST) WARNED US!!!

There is absolutely no way that devoting yourself completely to an emotionally unavailable man in hopes that he might change will end up with anything other than death for a woman. Whether that be metaphorically or, in this case, physically.

And this is why Mike White continues to be a brutal, diabolical genius.

Chelsea’s death was tragic. It was also inevitable. In every season, White cuts to the bone of the darkest, most rotten of human relationships, relationships that often appear the sparkliest. Do not check into the White Lotus for feel-good love lol. There is always something decaying behind the scenes. Luckily, if you can embrace the premise, it’s not only a juicy drama but a brilliant comedy.

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Speaking of toxic hetero relationships…

And of course the theme is featured heavily in my debut novel, NOTHING SERIOUS, which you can now buy anywhere books are sold 😊